What It Means To Be Fat
| December 21, 2011 | Posted by Issa under Radical Self-Acceptance |
(Photo from Fat From the Side, where user marfmellow says, “I can’t lie though, my cherubic cheeks are pretty lovely.”)
I ended my post Why Use The Word Fat talking about how we basically know what the word fat physically indicates. Beyond the physical, what else does being fat indicate?
If you are living in this culture, whether you live in a fat body or not, you’ve probably got a good idea what being fat means. It’s used as a stand-in for all sorts of nasty things, like lazy, stupid, sloppy, smelly, unattractive, and just plain wrong. If you ARE living in a fat body, you’ve probably got a good visceral sense of the way that fat-hate rears its ugly head.
You might know what it means to get critical looks when you’re eating in public. You might know what it means to have people shout nasty things at you as you walk by. You might know what it feels like to think you’re undatable and unfuckable. You might know what it means to be pressured from every corner to do something about it already. You know the constant drag of having every conversation with your doctor or your mother revolve around your weight. You know what it feels like to have your body described as an “epidemic” as if you’re walking around with ebola.
And beyond the general public distaste for your existence, you may be familiar with some very real discrimination. Fat students are less likely to be accepted to better colleges and are more likely to be refused letters of recommendation by educators. Fat people are less likely to be hired for a job. They receive less pay. They get fewer promotions. You might be required to buy an extra seat on a plane. Normal spaces like the seats at restaurants or the chairs in a waiting room may not accommodate your size. Clothing stores may not carry clothes that can fit you.
Media support for weight bias is unrelenting, of course: TV shows, cartoons, movies, ads, and news reports are all unkind to fat people. News reports have held fat people responsible for rising fuel and food costs (headless fatty alert), global warming, and making their friends fat. That social contagion thing has been debunked, but you probably won’t see big headlines declaring that. Headlines do talk about fat children as if they’re a blight on their communities. Other discrimination stories are popping up more and more frequently, such as employers financially penalizing employees who can’t meet a BMI standard, obese adults being disqualified from a adopting a child, or parents losing custody of an obese child.
My personal experience with being fat has been much milder than that of many other fat people. I’ve had doctors mention my weight, but none have gotten particularly bent out of shape about it. It’s somewhat more difficult for me to buy clothes than someone who’s a size 8, but I’m near the bottom of “plus-size” and can buy clothes at Wal-Mart (bras are another matter entirely). Most of my worries about being fat have come from the media. I’m bombarded with messages that communicate that I should be thinner. Fat people are the casual butt of jokes in all kinds of shows. Weight-loss ads follow me (and every one else) around the internet. I’ve got a lot of practice ignoring the media, but it’s still interesting that of all the messages out there (earn more money! buy new things! travel!), those that support the idea that everyone should be thinner are ubiquitous and often un-questioned.
That ubiquity is difficult to ignore. Often, I’ll be reading something that really interests me on a topic completely unrelated to weight or health and then BAM! some fat-hate is just tossed into the middle somewhere. It’s jarring. It’s mental assault.
Anyone else want to share your troubles with being fat in this culture?
Having been into fashion for as long as I can remember, I tend to notice things others don’t. WalMart’s revamping of their clothes over the past few years has been interesting, watching the sizes get larger and larger. They were smart to catch onto the problem of clothes for larger women and seeing what styles and shapes the clothing took. I wonder what sort of market research went into expanding (no pun intended) that avenue of options for their customers (pop-culturally always obese and large). And of course one of my favorite parts is the language they use, from the label (“Just My Size”) to the section sign to how other companies like Torrid and Target came up with their own sizing. Interesting that you homestead, launder your toilet paper and shop at WalMart. ;) Also, I don’t think my last reply really read well. Succintly put, fat is a noun, not an adjective. That’s kinda how I see it in my head. Nobody is “fat,” people – of all sizes – just have fat. Models jiggle down the runways in Milan because thin doesn’t mean toned and not-fat. Also, just random, I’ve always liked the adjective “portly.” Oh, and you might want to see if there’s an Ashley Stewart near you, that was my go-to when I needed clothes. It runs on the high side and I rarely found colors that were good for me (their demographic is African American women), but they’re a little better made and just prettier. I hope you guys had good holidays and yule and whatever semantics makes you happy. :)
I’m so glad that WalMart has expanded their clothing sizes. It’s kind of astounding how long it’s taken them to have a respectable plus-size section, and is probably proof of fat-hate in itself. When even WalMart is reluctant to sell to you, you know there’s a problem! Target’s backhanded toe-dip into the plus-size realm is just kind of stupid. Looks like the only Ashley Stewart in Tennessee is in Memphis.
I had a good four day weekend with some Chinese food. :-)
All I have to say is yay for yoga pants. Not like, sitting at home day after night, I have to put pants on in the first place. I’m going through stuff right now, if you might be interested in any clothes, email me your measurements and I’ll see if I have anything I think you might like.
Sent. I will always take more clothes. :-)
Sorry for the super-late comment, but I just had to say something.
I live in a country where, just thirty years ago, it was the opposite: being fat was seen as a sign of prosperity, because it meant you could afford to eat and made you look more attractive. That was before Western media got a foothold here. And now it’s just like everywhere else.
My experience with being fat was being forced to eat just two meals a day when I was in school, because of teachers who were ‘concerned’ if I was seen in the cafeteria. It’s the bullying that got so bad that I had to leave school two weeks early. It’s my mother breaking down in tears because one of her friends calls her a bad parent for letting me and my sister ‘get so big’ and asking me why I keep doing ‘this’ to her. It’s my father telling me to my face that he’s ashamed to go out with me because he met so-and-so and his daughter and she looked so nice in her clothes etc etc. It’s crying almost every night because I feel like I’ll never find love because love and happy endings only happen to thin girls. It’s the employer who let me go after my one-year mandatory work placement was up, but kept on the (you guessed it) thin girl even though I was more dependable and had better reports. It’s being ashamed to even pass through the confectionery aisles in the supermarket because of all the hateful stares and smug superiority.
And worst of all, it’s being made to feel that my opinions on my body and my life don’t and shouldn’t be taken into consideration. Because it’s my fault that I’m such a whale, right?
Sayo, I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve any of that. You DO deserve to eat as many meals as you want (just like everyone else!) to not be bullied, to be seen in public, to find love, to be happy, to be respected at your jobs, to grocery shop. I’m sorry that people are so awful, and I wish you the best.
Thank you,
I am a 32 year old woman, I have never been thin, I was the child of a body builder which probably made my self hate even worse, I have heard it all and god help me I have tried it all, even went so far as to steal laxatives from the drugstore when I was 10. I would just like to say that I tried to read all of your blogs at 4am and came to the realization that I want to love the skin I am in, thank you for giving that to me.
Danielle, hang in there! I was about 30 when I finally came to love my body. It’s never to late to win ourselves back from our toxic culture. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help you.
First of all, I want to make it clear that I am not at all a fetishist! Ok, having said that, I think curves are beautiful. No, not just big women are beautiful, but women of ALL sizes can be beautiful. Women from Size 0 to Size (insert your size here) are beautiful. It’s more about how you carry yourself, your confidence, your sensuality, your playfulness, your creativity, your fashion … I am attracted to women of all sizes … women with lots of curves can be gorgeous!!! I hope more women come to believe it!