Children Are Not the Future
| May 2, 2012 | Posted by Issa under Parenting |
“I believe the children are our future,” belts Whitney Houston, and I remember thinking this was a beautiful sentiment the first time I heard it. Since then I’ve interacted with some actual children, and I’ve changed my mind.
I hear that idea a lot, that children are the future or that they are a precious resource, but that’s a really distant, mechanical view to take of other human beings. Children are not “resources” to be mined or collected. Children aren’t the future. They are actual, real-life human beings right here, right now.
It seems kind of obvious when I say it like that. Of course they aren’t resources. Of course they actually exist in the present. But when I listen to people talk about kids, I’m not sure that it’s all that obvious. People talk about parenting goals, about shaping or molding their kids, about the direction they’re going, or how they are preparing them for “real life”.
All of these objectify children or treat them as “future people”, when in reality, children are real people having real lives right here in the present.
Are your parenting goals about achieving something years down the line, or are your parenting goals rooted in the relationship you’re having here in the present?
If you think of yourself as molding or shaping your child, have you considered that your child is already a wonderful shape?
Instead of considering the direction your child is going, can you just consider the place ou already is?
Instead of preparing your child for ou “real life” or “the real world”, try getting down into the life and world that already exists for your child.
Real people. Right here. Right now. With real lives. Anything else is a disservice to the awesome people that children already are.
This is wonderful. Yes, our children our people right now not a future asset!
My son was dancing in front of a street musician once, and post-harmonica solo, the man announced, gesturing towards my little boy, “This is the future, TODAY!” I think that best sums up my feelings on the subject. Children are the future, but the future is now, not some time in distant years to come.
I’ve been very limited in my internet time recently, and I was glad to see all your new posts when I checked in!
Sometimes I find myself wondering if something I do or say will shape Fin in a negative way. Or that I should be saying/doing something different to maximize his “potential”. I even worry about his (and my) future sleep habits due to our bed-sharing. Then, I mentally push it all away and think, “I am who I am and he is who he is, and we’re great the way we are.” That’s not to say I don’t try to be the best mom I can be for him right now, but I try to quit worrying about the future.