I Finally Found the Free Drugs

I’ve done a lot of illegal drugs in my day. I was even a drug dealer for part of my short-lived college experience. I’ve definitely known a lot of drug dealers.

You know that whole “first one’s free” thing? “Just try it, you’ll like it?” Yeah. Never happened. I’ve never met a dealer giving away free product, I’ve never met a dealer who really cared whether or not you bought, and I’ve certainly never met a dealer on a personal mission to get you hooked.

On the other hand…

I am still getting free formula samples in the mail. And by samples, I mean whole cans of formula. I see formula stuff everywhere. Every time I see kids’ stuff, I see formula stuff – on magazines, in stores, in doctors’ offices.

And every month, like clockwork, I get free product in the mail. Trying to convince me to try it. Trying to get me hooked. The first one is free. And the next one, and the next one, and the next one, until I have a nice habit going on.

Fuck that noise.

In the meantime, the pigs think the formula is tasty, so I guess keep sending it my way. I’m turning it into bacon, so I think I win!