What Should Fat People Wear During This Heatwave?
| July 10, 2012 | Posted by Issa under Radical Self-Acceptance |
How about whatever the fuck we want?
I saw a fat woman on Tumblr the other day mention how she was proud to have gone out in public for the first time wearing a tank top. I was kind of shocked, but I don’t blame her for having gone so long without showing her fat arms. There’a a whole lot of pressure in our culture for fat people to try to be invisible. I am happy for her for going out in a tank top.
I’m also fucking livid at anyone and everyone who ever said anything that makes people afraid to go outside in the clothes they want to wear.
This recently crossed my screen:
How about I dress for the weather?
Is that really such a difficult concept? If you don’t want to see my body, then I suggest you look away! Or perhaps just keep your judgmental ass at home, because when you go out in public, you’re going to encounter people. People who are different from you. So stuff it!
It really is oppressively hot these days. It is simply not okay for fat people to wear clothes uncomfortable for the weather just because it’s fashionable to hate on fat people.
So, taking my own radical advice, I went out in public in a skirt that I normally would only wear in especially skin-friendly places, like a burn. To be clear, this skirt is only “too short” because I’m fat. A person who was my exact height in this exact skirt but who was skinny wouldn’t be showing “too much skin”. But it’s a lightweight skirt that’s perfectly comfortable for this weather, so out I went.
It also shows off my hairy legs, which I’ve been wanting to do more of this summer.
I got a bit of a thrill for being in public wearing the amount of clothing that was truly comfortable for me.
Another aspect of being a fat-person-in-clothes that I’ve been considering is The Tug. The Tug is the reflexive, obsessive pulling of clothing every time I move to ensure that no stray bits of skin are poking out. I do this especially at the bottom of my shirts in the front to make sure no belly is showing. I do this so much that the first place my shirts wear out is right there where I tug, tug, tug, eventually making worn spots into holes.
Here’s what I’ve been thinking: If there’s someone looking who wants to have mean thoughts about my fat, it’s not going to be that bit of skin that pushes them over the edge. If I successfully hide everything with The Tug, the fat-hater isn’t going to mistakenly believe I’m really a skinny person. If some skin does show, the fat-hater isn’t going to all of a sudden notice that I’m really a fat person and then start hating on me.
The fat-hater is just a fat-hater. Whatever I’m doing or not doing, the fat-hater can come up with ways to hate on me without much help from me. Might as well just let my clothes fall where they may.
This my third task in The Be Big Project.
- I am the size that I am.
- Wearing certain clothes or wearing them a certain way doesn’t change that.
- I have my permission to wear the clothes that are comfortable and enjoyable to me.
- Yes, even if that means tank tops, short skirts, horizontal stripes, bikinis, bright colors, or shirts that show my belly whether accidentally or on purpose.
You can do it, too, if you like! What clothes do you worry about wearing or what styles have you recently begun to proudly show off?
Oh, and just so you know, that e-card is objectively wrong, because I want to see your backfat. And your jiggly arms. And your droopy belly. And your thunder thighs. Just for the record.
I wore a dress to the office yesterday that falls in this category. Really thin spaghetti straps, shows off all my tats…and my fat. To help make it slightly more “professional,” I wore a short, cotton, summer cropped sweater over it. When I got too warm, I took the sweater off. It shows major cleavage…not just a little, but a lot, because I have a lot.
I got complimented all day in this dress. Even had one of my patients tell me that he loved seeing me dressing so “me” at the office.
Your skirt story reminded me of a couple Saturdays ago, when our heat was 105. I don’t wear short skirts. This isn’t because I am afraid of showing my fat, but because I usually wear compression socks to keep my ankles from swelling. I am ashamed of the socks, so I tend to wear things that hide them. That day, I said fuck it, and wore a very short skirt and sandals. It felt so foreign and strange to feel the air on all parts of my legs. It was also very freeing. I’ve been dressing for the weather since.
I wear sleeveless dress shirts to the office almost every day. I am thankful my office environment allows for me to show my tats and also thankful that I know how to buy said sleeveless shirts so that they don’t hang low in the armpit area.
I used to be a “tugger” too, until I saw through the eyes of pictures that more closely fitted clothing is more attractive than loosely fitted clothes. It took me a while to be physically comfortable with less loose shirts, as I felt like my mid roll was so prominently sticking out. Again with the saying fuck it and learning that fitted clothing just looks better. I have a roll, and I have tits and both of those things are ok because they are a part of me. Now to just get over the whole ankle thing…. :)
Not that getting complimented is the be-all-end-all, but I really love that you go a compliment for dressing like yourself. Sometimes I think the *extent* to which we think people are judging us is blown up in our minds and it’s nice to be rewarded for going out on that limb.
That is exactly how I felt about it. It wasn’t a compliment to me looking “good” or “pretty,” but for looking like what he thinks is me. Most of the compliments I get at work are based like this.
Back story on this one particular guy… he had seen me the week prior, dressed more in muted colors, less fluff with my hair, etc and commented then that I just didn’t look like myself. He is so used to seeing me in bright colors and funky clothes that, as he put it, “I looked too normal.” To me, even if backwards, is a compliment. I pretty much dress to work similarly to dressing for a burn. I just show *slightly* less skin and wear more eye make-up. (Thanks to Kitty pretties :)
I will be honest to say that I like compliments, but as I get older and am more secure in who I am, I truly appreciate those that have to do more with me being me, rather than if I look pretty or am wearing cool shoes.
I am a tugger too. I feel like if I could just cover the fat that hangs down that somehow people will think am skinnier.
Often I wear things out, and it is not until I am out in the world that I realize people might be looking at what I am wearing and be thinking mean things. And then there is an odd thing that goes on in my head. I am less concerned with my own feelings (embarrassment) as I am with the looker’s feelings. I worry are they bothered by what I am wearing? Are they having uncomfortable or unhappy thoughts? Are they judging me in some way but not talking to me about it?
I dress weird. I might be wearing tons of crazy make-up, or odd colors, or a strange hat. All of those things are a choice. Everyone is free to stare at my hulk makeup, tutu, or tiara. Because I choose those things. I did not choose fat, and I don’t want to be stared at or judged for that. But I also don’t want to feel like I have to cover everything up.
When people used to stare at my dreads, I would just think to myself that they were struck by how awesome I am and just didn’t have the words to express it. I would just give them a great big smile and go on with my awesome self.
“I did not choose fat, and I don’t want to be stared at or judged for that. But I also don’t want to feel like I have to cover everything up.” Yes, this. I’m afraid there’s no easy way out of that right now. We just have to try to be ourselves the best we can.
You are not kidding. You and I live in the same town*. It has been hotter than deep fried hell here. I can’t keep the kids hydrated. It’s nuts.
People need to chill the heck out. You have some wise words.
I don’t like skirts cause my thighs sweat and stick together and it’s gross.
*(We met at Blissdom. We love our kids. That’s about all we have in common, but I find you very intriguing.)
Pants are sometimes more friendly for me in the heat, too. If I’m wearing a skirt, I try to remember to use an anti-chafing cream which works wonders for making things less sticky and friction-y. You can’t do ANYTHING about the sweating, though. Good grief is it hot!
I wear what is comfy. i am fat and grew up/lived fat in Florida. i also am just now discovering what a properly fitted shirt/bra can do for a girl’s confidence not to mention personal heat index! I have found the best solution to chafing is cornstarch baby powder just rub it on like lotion and viola zero chafeage! plus it absorbs a nominal amount of sweat keeping you at least a little drier.
I also LOVE bright colors, bright like oranges and pinks and greens and turquoise. Some of these do not “go” with my mop of curly red hair (if you’ve seen Brave, like Meridia’s hair only a little more auburn) or wacky skin tone elbows and areas covered by clothes are creamy porcelain and sparsely freckled, every thing exposed to the sun is a light olive (thank you Cherokee Great grandmother) and I only shave my ankles (the hair gets caught in my socks otherwise and OW!!)
I just wear what makes me happy, it’s modest but that’s a religious choice and by modest i mean my hair is up in a twist and my boobies, belly, legs are covered (at least to the knee) but again it’s MY choice. i don’t do it for my boyfriend or society.
what I wear (cover) or don’t is ultimately my decision, everyone else can bloody well get over themselves.
Yes! I love your whole comment!
I made peace with my size once I hit 30 – which came in handy when I got up to 220 pounds at the end of my pregnancy! My solution for feeling great in my clothes is: Wear clothes that FIT (no tugging required), wear clothes that reflect your personality (Clove I love your comment), and if you don’t love it, DON’T buy it! And if someone has a problem with how you look out in public, let them talk. Not your problem, because you know you look good.
It was around age 30 for me, too. Oh, how it would have been awesome to get there sooner! So many years spent hating myself. Ugh.
You don’t even know how happy this made me, because I’ve noticed it too. I once decided to forgo my tights because of the heat and the fact that I’m yeast-infection prone, and an older man and his wife chewed me out for not dressing conservatively enough. This was at church, so I let it go – until a thinner girl did the same thing and was told she looked very pretty and grown up. I was so blown away.
It wasn’t until I was in college that I discovered how much cooler tank tops could be than wearing a tshirt in hot weather. My mom made me feel like they were completely inappropriate for someone my size, so as most college students do, you try out the things your parents never let you do.
It wasn’t until a few years ago, actually when I went to Burning Man decom in LA, that I decided to wear a skirt in public that I made. Until that point, I didn’t wear skirts unless they were super long because I had always been made to feel like I was too large on the bottom half of my body (that’s where most of my weight is carried, including some monster, strong calves), that it was inappropriate to show off my fat legs. After the positive experience at decom I pretty much decided I didn’t care and have been wearing skirts and dresses of all lengths nearly every day since then and it’s awesome. I love the colors and patterns, variety of lengths, how I can layer them with various lengths of leggings or tights. Sometimes I get compliments and sometimes people say nothing, but I don’t really care. Just last week I finally started sewing myself bike short length leggings (I can’t tell you how many hours I spent trying to find them in stores last year without luck… but only because I was looking for plus sizes) to wear under skirts and it’s been super nice with 100+ temp and high humidity in LA this summer! There’s a lot of people in the world and I am never going to make them all happy, so the best I can do it make myself happy, especially if it’s not actively harming others.
I’ve been thinking lots about this, because sometimes I will think one thing about myself, and then see that my behavior is some how different on that topic. This is one of those times.
The clothes I want to wear right now are summer dresses, and mostly right now I want to wear a bikini top while gardening. I get self conscious about how low cut it is, and straps sliding off, I pull at things a lot. But I have been wearing them, and I saw a few more blogs and body positive bikini pages that help. I think soon when I get paid I can brave the dreaded swim suit shopping. I’ve been wearing a vintage bathing suit with a skirt for a couple of years now.
I get self conscious mostly when I sweat. I’m outside a lot, I sweat a lot, and I’m sensitive to the stereotype about a sweaty fat girl in inappropriate clothes.
but last night, thinking about this blog, I went out in a shirt that i reserve for burns. It was cute and I felt cute in it and it was comfortable all evening. Thank you!
I get self-conscious about sweating, too. Lately it seems like I sweat way more than I used to. I don’t know if it’s the Tennessee humidity or what, but good grief, I have some epic sweat sometimes!
Your last part is awesome! You went out in a shirt you like, you were cute, you felt cute, and you were comfortable! That’s really its own reward. It seems so happy, and I’m glad you were able to do it!