Be Big! Steps and Goals So Far
|August 10, 2012||Posted by Issa under Radical Self-Acceptance|
I started thinking about my Be Big project back in January, and it’s been slow going. I’m trying to turn around a lifetime of passivity, low self-esteem, and trying to be a smaller person than I am, literally and figuratively. Needless to say, this is quite an undertaking. I’m taking a minute here to recap.
The Be Big Project is a journey of expansion. I am creating small tasks for myself that are small stepping stones towards the larger goal of spreading out, stepping up, and taking up more room in my own life, both emotionally and physically.
- Be more passionate about my body
- Be my authentic self and let that self shine as brightly as possible
- Claim my physical space
- Find a great big love for myself
So far I’ve assigned myself three tasks.
- Be Big! Whenever I feel stress, tension, or discomfort, either physically or emotionally, I aim to take a minute to stretch out my body in ways that feel good, taking up more space and spreading myself out.
- Graciously accept compliments. Rather than deflect, diminish, or disagree with compliments, I want to receive them gracefully and wholeheartedly.
- Wear comfortable clothes and wear them comfortably. I will choose clothing based on what is comfortable and enjoyable to me, not based on what a fat person “should” wear. Then I want to relax about wearing them instead of pulling and tugging to keep myself covered.
How am I doing on each of these?
The Be Big task is amazingly effective. It feels so good to my mood to play with my physical shape and my space. I remember to do this pretty regularly.
The compliments task is rough going. How I reply to a compliment depends a lot on my mood. I hope that the more I practice, the more I will remember to accept compliments graciously regardless of my mood. Recently my friend Sara said she liked the skirt I was wearing. I said thanks and that I made it. So far, so good. But then I took pains to complain about my sewing skill and the quality of the dress. When Sara said she didn’t notice anything wrong with it, I went so far as to point out specific flaws! This task is about letting myself shine, and I have a lot of practice at doing the opposite. I’m going to keep up trying, though!
Now that I have decided to do it, I won’t have much trouble wearing comfortable clothes. I’m even thinking about buying a bikini! Not pulling and tugging on my clothes to keep them in place is much harder. Even though I’ve decided it doesn’t matter if a bit of my belly is showing, I just have this habit of pulling on my shirts. I do it without thinking. It’s really hard to break this physical habit. I’m conquering the first step of at least noticing when I do it, and I can work on reducing the number of times.
The Be Big Project is slow going but firmly off to a start. My hope is that as I add new stepping stones, the whole process begins to snowball creating bigger and better changes in how I feel about myself and my body.
I’d love to hear about your process, too. How are you feeling about your body these days? Are there any self projects you’re working on or any that you recommend for me?