20 Years of Polyamory: The Wonderful

(Photo credit: Lel4nd)

 

Read the whole 8 part series:

1. The Introduction
2. Thoughts on Monogamy
3. Q & A
4. The Poly I’m Not
5. Jealousy
6. The Analogy
7. Personal Boundaries
8. The Wonderful

Momma Jorge recently asked:

What about compersion? Is that a word that you use? Is it an emotion you have felt? Has it played a role in your relationships?

For those who don’t know, compersion is a feeling of happiness at your partner experiencing happiness with someone else. It could be said to be the opposite of jealousy.

I rarely use the word compersion, because it seems almost odd to me to make it a separate word. This is part of polyamory being such an obvious thing for me. I’m happy when Joshua is happy. Period. When he’s excited about his job, when he wins a game of Zuma, when he’s enjoying the weather… whatever it is, why wouldn’t I be happy that he’s happy? When he’s happy about an experience or feeling with another person, of course I’m happy about that, too. A friend recently told me that she was in love with Joshua. That made me happy. Whenever Joshua tells me about a sexual experience he has with someone else, that makes me happy.

The bottom line is that polyamory and the experiences happening within that context are pretty much all happy for me. And for this last post in this series, that’s the idea I want to express.

When writing or talking about polyamory, I can easily find a gazillion things to bitch about or stress over. I mean, relationships are messy, and polyamory can make for some epic messes. But as I think back over all the years, the whole idea of polyamory is a gigantic bright, beautiful collage for me. It’s rich and wondrous, and I would hate for any of that to get lost in the analysis. Here are some of the wonderful snapshots in my mind.

I’ve been in love a lot, and that love has been freely explored. In the last 6 years, I’ve fallen in love 5 times and had interesting,  fulfilling relationships with all of those people, while having loving relationships with other people as well. I would have hated to miss out on all that love. I’m sure some people who are monogamous would naturally never find themselves in love so many times, but others would if they were open to the possibilities. I’m glad that I’ve been open and gotten to experience so much love.

I’ve gotten to see people that I love radiate with love for someone else. The first glimmers of love bring out the shiniest, clearest happiness in a person, and to get to watch that happening in someone I love is a treasure and a privilege.

Being near someone I love who loves someone else gives me a wonderful view of that someone else that I could never see on my own. When my partner falls for someone else, through his eyes I fall for her a little bit, too. This is a magical process that I really, really value.

I’ve had the experience of being in another room of the house and hearing my lover have sex with another lover and knowing exactly what was going on based on the sounds he was making. I find this a highly entertaining feat of intimacy.

I’ve been loved by multiple people at once, having the experience of wherever I turned knowing that I’m loved and supported.

I’ve looked around a room full of 25 people and realized that we were all connected by an interlocking, overlapping web of sex and relationships. It’s a “Wow” realization.

Polyamory has helped create some really amazing sex experiences for me, like having a threesome with two people who know me and each other intimately or having an instructional session with my lover’s lover on ways to please him.

The truth about polyamory is that I’ve loved and been loved by a lot of people and had amazing sex with even more people and been wonderful friends with even more people than that, all facilitated by a relationship idea that makes space for the infinite possibilities of what can occur between people. I honestly cannot imaging being without it. I continue to be polyamorous because I want love and sex and intimacy to continue to flow freely in my life and the lives of the people I love.

Read the whole 8 part series:

1. The Introduction
2. Thoughts on Monogamy
3. Q & A
4. The Poly I’m Not
5. Jealousy
6. The Analogy
7. Personal Boundaries
8. The Wonderful

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