Certainty

I didn’t expect to like breastfeeding. I thought it would be a chore, something I did because I should.

Instead, it holds me up, carries me through, and connects me to what matters. It’s the essence of motherhood, the most important parts distilled down to the simplest terms.

My days have ups and downs. My moods have ups and downs. There are things I worry about and things that confuse me.

But every single night, the last thing I do is lay down next to my tiny baby, and his head tilts up towards mine, and he sucks my nipple into his mouth, and I relax, everything relaxes and floats away. And a single, solid thought slams into me with 100% physical certainty, as clear and as real as my knowledge that I exist:

“I am a good mother.”

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