Name Change
I’ve had a lot of last names in my life.
Last Name #1 happened at birth, of course. 6 months later, my parents divorced, and for awhile I went by Last Name #2, which was my mom’s maiden name. 2 years later, my mom had remarried, and her new husband adopted me, giving me Last Name #3.
In 1998, I had moved away from home and hated my (adoptive) father and hated his name, so I needed a new one. My boyfriend and I didn’t want to get married at the time, but I wanted a new name fast, so I ended up taking his middle name as my Last Name #4. I got a lawyer and had my last name legally changed.
Through all of this, I had the same first and middle names.
In 2006, I separated from the man with Last Name #4. I had been going by “Issa” (not my original first name) for awhile at that point, and in 2006 I also chose an entirely separate-from-anyone-else new Last Name #5 for myself.
I didn’t get it changed legally, though.
I always meant to do it legally, but I never got around to it. Part of the reason was just laziness/forgetfulness. Another part is that I’m no longer 21 and struggling with identity. It just didn’t bother me as much to have a different name on “official” things than on personal things.
And the other part is that Last Name #4 was mine in a way that none of my family names had been. Yes, it was connected to a man, but I chose it, and I wanted it, and it was mine for a long time. When it’s gone, I am going to miss it.
But. It has finally started to bug me that my names don’t match up. My new name is real to me, and I have moments of confusion when I’m addressed by the old name. I’m also pregnant now, and I need for all of my official paperwork to match up before I give birth. The name on my child’s birth certificate needs to actually be my name.
So, this coming Wednesday, I’m headed to court to get my name legally changed. I hope that it all goes smoothly. I’m slightly concerned that they’ll balk at the fact that this is the second time I’m changing my name. I hope that I just have to fill things out and pay my money, and then it’ll be over.
I am a little nervous. This time, instead of just changing my last name, I’ll be changing my first name and dropping my middle name. These parts are extremely important to me. These are the parts that signal severing connections with my childhood family, although that’s another story. In any case, I’m happy to be moving on in this way, but it feels like a big step.
I can’t know for sure, of course, but this feels like the last time I will change my name. It feels like I’ve finally found my name that I will keep forever.
Issa is a wild and rebellious mama who wants to live a carefree life where that little anxious voice is put on mute. How about you? As a writer she feels successful if just one other person feels any comfort or inspiration from what she’s written.
Eep. Good luck. I’m sort of in the same situation as you, name-wise. When my father died, my mother changed my surname to a hyphenated version of one she had chosen (for some reason she refused to go back to her maiden name), and my father’s surname. Then, when relations soured between his family and ours, my father’s name got removed from my surname completely. I’d like to have it back eventually.
I’m sure that they won’t ask questions – as long as you pay the money, they don’t really care about what you’re changing it to or why.
So long, Melissa May…
Hi, Michelle Ann! :-)
I would be just confused.
@Rammi You were right – they didn’t really care about the reason. It all went really smoothly! :-)
Have you had any trouble with taxes or other government offices from these changes? Heck, I’ve had trouble with some and especially medical offices after just #1 maiden name, #2 married name, #3 back to maiden name, and #4 new married name. Plus it just seems like such a pain to go through updating all the documents (DL, SS, etc).
I did, however, ask if we could use our marriage license to change other parts of our names. Alas, we could not. My husband would likely have changed his first name and I might have as well. I’ve never had any real problem with my given name (Rebecca Sue), though I have loathed the shorter versions of my first name since about middle school. (Of course most of my family call me Becky. Bleh.)
I’ve oft considered changing my name legally and just adding Jorje to the beginning and keep it all. I did manage to have Jorje on bank papers for a while, but they wouldn’t do that for me last time. My ex-husband gave me the name “Jorje” when we first began dating. When I left him, he tried to tell me I couldn’t keep it. Ha! I *AM* Jorje. It suits me. I always, always wanted a “boy” name (though I would say I mostly consider myself female).
Anyway, sorry to ramble on… wondered how much trouble it was to change your name besides the actual legal changing.
It was no real trouble either time. Updating everything can be a long process, but I just take it one thing at a time and it’s not overwhelming. For a long time after the change (a year or so), I keep a copy of the court documents in my purse or car in case I forget to change something and need to verify the change on the spot. I change the driver’s license and SS card right away, and then everything else can just come as it comes. I will say that this time was *slightly* more complicated because of all the doctors I was coming into contact with through the pregnancy and birth. Some of them did *not* like any confusion about my identity arising. In particular my doctor after the birth, when she heard of the name change, was *very* concerned that I might have been previously married, I think because that can have paternity implications, and I think they had a hard time believing me that I’d just upped and changed my name with no connection to a marriage. But, you just keep repeating yourself – “I legally changed my name. (Blank) is my legal name,” and they eventually get themselves straightened out!