I was walking up the stairs behind my son one day and he was going SO SLOWLY!

I wanted to tell him to hurry up!

Or maybe I would try to push past him and go on ahead.

I have no idea what I was in such a hurry to get to, but I felt something a little bit like rage building up inside me. Not my best day, I guess!

Life Ruiner.

That’s my name for today. My son Dylan is 6 years old, and he’s pissed at me, and he’s decided to call me Life Ruiner.

He’s not just saying, “You’re a life ruiner.”

He is literally addressing me as if my name were Life Ruiner.

“I’m going downstairs to watch TV, Life Ruiner.” “Will you make me some lunch, Life Ruiner.”

You’re probably thinking it’s funny. Okay, it’s definitely a little bit funny.

I’ve started calling my parenting style Parenting With Abandon.

Parenting with abandon means taking all the worry and anxiety and stress and control and fear about parenting and throwing it into the wind. Just saying, “fuck it” and running unabashedly towards a life of joy and connection instead.

Sound crazy?

Sound unattainable?

That’s why I invented a name for it!

During a conflict with your child try this thought on for size:

“What my child wants right now is just as important as what I want right now.”

How much resistance do you feel to this idea? What kinds of thoughts does it bring up for you?

As the adult in the relationship your wants and goals are important. You’re keeping your child fed, clean, sheltered, safe, and educated.

As the child in the relationship your kid has some pretty big wants and goals, too. They’re constantly learning and exploring, and figuring out big things like autonomy and the mores of their culture.

I keep seeing it: TOP 100 Tweets About Parenting This Week. I read them, and they are hilarious!

But there’s always this tickle of doubt in my mind.

If I knew that these parents were truly, deeply respectful of their kids day in and day out…

…And I knew that their tweets only reached the minds of other people who truly, deeply cared about kids…

…Then I could laugh along with them. It’s ok to be exasperated at people you love and to make hyperbolic jabs in good fun as long as it takes place in the context of a healthy, respectful relationship.

But I know good and well that most parents don’t respect their kids much at all, and most of their audience doesn’t either.