Pregnancy: 19 Weeks

At 19 weeks pregnant, my biggest news and biggest complaint is that I don’t feel pregnant. Most of my physical symptoms have subsided. I still get the occasional round ligament twinge, but that’s about it. I’m not gaining weight and I’m not getting much bigger. I don’t really feel pregnant, and that’s pretty annoying. I can’t wait to be MORE pregnant!

Blood Sugar – I’ve been testing my blood sugar since October. It was high, so at my last OB appointment (in November), I asked what levels they would want to see. The levels she gave me were definitely lower than what I was getting. Since I’m not under OB care anymore, I’ve been testing more frequently and eating a more diabetic-appropriate diet. This frustrates the shit out of me. I apparently really love foods with sugar/carbs. It took some getting used to, and I’m still pretty cranky about it, but I’ve been getting better readings. Since I’m still relatively early in my pregnancy, I haven’t been testing a lot. If I were seeing an OB, they wouldn’t even test my blood sugar at all until week 24, unless there was also glucose in my urine. So, I’ve been testing my urine (no glucose!), getting used to the new diet, and doing experiments to see what helps my levels. I may test more as I progress, and I would, of course, if glucose showed up in my urine.

Pregnancy Prep – While I’ve really enjoyed the medical aspects of prenatal care, the physical things that I planned to do have been much less appealing. Doing regular Kegel exercises, taking a daily walk, doing stretching exercises – at one point I wanted to do all these things, but now that I’m actually pregnant, I feel much less enthusiastic. Part of the reason is the gazillion miscarriages I had before. I tried for so long to do everything right and it didn’t work out. This time around I feel like it’ll either work out or it won’t and I’m not really in charge. Especially Kegels. I mean, how many women give birth every day without having done a single Kegel? I’m sure I can, too!

Spiritual Prep – I’ve also had trouble getting interested in the birth workbook I created for myself. I made this thing so that I’d have a birth workbook that was specifically suited to me. I put a lot of work into it. Most of that work was four years ago, and I guess it’s a book for a different person after all. There are a lot of spiritual or personal exploration oriented questions in the workbook. One example, which came from Birthing From Within is, “What do I need to know to give birth? If someone can answer this for you, you’re not looking deep enough.” I’m just not interested in this kind of question right now. It seems overly dramatic and pretentious. I don’t think I really need to know anything. Billions of women do it. It’s not that interesting. It will be a powerful event, of course, and maybe even spiritual, but that will happen regardless of whether I ponder it all now.

My Belly – There is one interesting spiritual and physical thing going on that’s a lot of fun. I really like rubbing, playing with, measuring, and cradling my growing belly. (Well, it hasn’t grown much in the last few weeks, but still!) While I touch my belly lovingly as if there were a treasured child in there, I don’t have a sense that there is. I’m not really interacting with a baby, because I have no connection to what’s going on in there as an actual baby. Maybe I will when I can feel movement, but so far, it doesn’t really feel like anything inside. And yet I’m paying all this attention to my belly. And I realized that what I was feeling and protecting and enjoying is actually just my belly, which is kind of cool. I’m loving and connecting with a body part of mine, with an aspect of myself, falling in love with myself, and that’s really special all on its own! I can’t wait to get bigger!

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